Win the Day – Becky Allen
We are here today to share the story of Becky Allen and her husband Daryn. Daryn was diagnosed with testicular cancer in January of 2017 and after 15 months of fighting, passed away in March 2018.
Becky took us to the day he was diagnosed. She tells us that Daryn had gone to the doctor after experiencing pain that they assumed was from his personal training, but found out he had testicular cancer. Nothing could prepare her for that phone call. She rushed to be by his side and start over a year long battle with her husband.
Strangely enough though, this was not Becky’s first run in with cancer. After a miscarriage that was found to be an etopic pregnancy, she went through treatments to fight the cancer that formed in her. With the positive outcome from her experience, Becky and Daryn went into his battle full of positivity and hope.
“Daryn kind of had this presence about him that sort of seemed superhero-ish and so I just had a lot of faith in that that of course nothing would happen to this man.”
She tell us that they never truly lost hope and Daryn did not complain one single time. He believed if you said something out loud it would take root. He stayed strong and positive throughout the entire battle. She tells us that it felt as if they never received good news and like coming out of a fight, you get the wind knocked out of you and then take a few minutes, hours or days to regroup and move forward. She describes being a caretaker as being a gatekeeper and being protective of him for their friends, family and children.
Becky had a wonderful support system through her family and friends. Her friend Nikki came up with a system to compartmentalize the help she needed without feeling like a burden. This also allowed others to feel like they were helping the best way they could without the typical “let me know what I can do” response. One of her friends lost her son in a car accident tragically and gave Becky advice to take things one day at a time and allow herself the space to make game time decisions.
Becky describes having this 15 month fight as a blessing and a curse if you can describe it as that. It was excruciating to watch him fight through this, but they truly didn’t believe it would end with him not making it to the other side. She describes this as a slow transition from their old lifestyle to a different part of the story without their husband/father. They talk about him and have beautiful memories thanks to videos and photos from social media!
After Daryn passed Becky found herself as a young window in unchartered waters. She describes the phrase “grief and relief”. Her grieving started when he was diagnosed and she learned to give herself permission to feel joy and give herself back fully to her children. Everything was new and scary. She went on a vacation alone to the beach for a few days to really think and after reading the book called “The Rhythm of Life” by Matthew Kelly, thought about being her best self she asked herself when she had been the best version of herself.
“How on earth as a young widow without her significant other obviously in this awkward new phase of life trying to relearn herself, how could that be the best version of myself?”
Guilt washed over here when she came to the realization that she was the best version of herself right then and there in that moment. Then she realized that we do not give gifts for someone to feel guilty. We give them for joy and happiness and Daryn’s short life was the ultimate gift for her and her family and she should not feel guilty about what his life gave her and taught her. She refuses to let life kick her in the teeth and take anything more away from her.
She suggests that anyone struggling to find happiness or joy after the loss of a loved one should find outlets. Whether that is a therapist, friends, exercise, a new hobby, find an outlet because the more you keep it inside the more it will fester. Find community and think about perspective. Step further out bit by bit and think about how you will feel days, weeks or year from now!
Daryn had a moment where God told him to “Win The Day”. Just get through this day and whatever that looks like each day. This stuck with their family and now Becky and her two beautiful children are moving forward with Daryn’s legacy by creating Win The Day Productions. This new business will offer coaching, writing, speaking, education and apparel. Her son Dawson helps with Facebook lives and blog content and her daughter Lanie is using her gifts with painting to create new products for the shop! It is a family affair and such a beautiful way to honor Daryn by honoring people’s superhero strengths.
Becky describes Daryn’s superpower as knowing no stranger. He was unique in the sense that he made everyone feel seen and known. Becky’s superpower is being an improver. She can look at systems and find ways to improve and get better.
Becky reminds us that there is just one shot. If life ends tomorrow for you, how will you want this day to be spent. So will you be pleased with how you lived each day, given the chance for your days to accumulate? She is so excited to see where this new world takes her with this lightness of just winning each day as it comes!
We are 2 Colleens who share a passion to make the world a kinder place. We’re so happy you’re here!
We started recording our conversations.
Mondays get an undeserved bad rep.
There’s always a lot more behind our messages.
We really like to make people smile.